I think most single women have that moment in their life when they sit back, count their good friends on one hand and realize that they are the last single girl in their group. My mother tells me it's the "oh my god" moment and it will also happen when you realize all your friends are married/divorced/have children/are retired (hopefully not in that order ha) and you're still eons away from the given situation.
To be fair, my mother warned me about this about a month ago, subtly (or not) when she politely told me it was in my best interest to find a boyfriend within 6 months (because my brother's wedding is in a year). I know she did it out of the love in her heart and I agree that if I am to bring a date to my brother's wedding, I would like it to be someone with whom I have a close relationship (or friendship, really). But on the other hand, Mother Love (Mother Nature's sister) and Fate are playing games with my heart and my head again - throwing me 'perfect' men and then taking them away and then sending me back the ones I used to want (I swear guys have a sensor that tells them when a girl they have the tiniest interest in is having trouble romantically so they can swoop in and confuse us more - but that's another story for another post). So yes, whether she knew it or not, a month ago, my mother was trying to protect me from my very own "oh my god" moment. Now if we communicate outside of Xanga, which very few of us do, you would be privileged to know I took her advice and started seeing a great guy. But then... he was just another pawn in the game Mother Love and Fate are playing. So try as both my mother and I may, I had this "oh my god" moment last week when I sat down with one of my friends and counted off the 8 girls I am closest with (4 from back home and 4 at university) and won't you know that
every single one of them has been in a relationship for over 6 months. A stable, happy relationship. And 3 of them are moved in together. Um, ah. I'm not even sure I'm ready to settle down - I want to travel, I want to keep my SSB (secret single behaviour), I want to run wild. But really?! CRAP. Now what?
Believe it or not, despite what shines through on here, in RL I am happy with being single. Sure, I still hope to find someone so I try to date. I'm not one of those girls who has an "there's no point in dating because it might not work out" approach to love. I'm more of a hands on, full speed ahead, heart on my sleeve kind of girl. But when those men come crashing through my glass heart, it hardly phases me anymore. It's happened before and with me, chances are it will again. I'm dating-impaired - I once dated a guy that told me "even if you freak out and do something stupid, you couldn't mess us up"... Needless to say, he was wrong *smirk*. And maybe it's because I always seem to know he's just not the right guy, or it's not the the right time, or someting. Like when you make your coffee the same way you've made it for years but it still tastes off. Not every man, or cup of coffee, can be the one you expect or want. And when it comes down to it, that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with me. Or him. It's something no one can change or control. Like when you choose your red mug but suddenly realize you really wanted the purple one, but you've already poured your coffee. Sometimes it's the littlest thing that matters or changes your perspective, mind or heart. For that morning, it's too late for the purple mug, but maybe tomorrow.
Knowing these things at my age is kind of a gift. I've had a lot more experiences that my friends who are in long term relationships. One of my friend jokes about how she lives vicariously through me and we laugh. I've learned a lot about who I am, who I want to end up with and I am having fun along the way (sometimes). Even the hurts, the frustrations, the fears, the bad dates and the bad men teach me more and more about this funny little thing called love. So I have no problem living my life happily and fully, with or without dating and/or men... except on the days of "oh my god" moments, the "really, a girl like you is single", the "come along anyways" (when its only other couples going)... "you won't be the 3rd/5th/7th/9th wheel" and the "oh, I know a great guy, I'll set you up"s.... then I wish Mother Love and Fate could hurry up already and hand me the right one, whether he's just for now, or forever.
Comments (6)
So many people are getting married, are in a committed relationship, or have had babies.
I feel like I'm the odd person out on the ark, sometimes.
Hugs, girl. I know you'll find someone worthy of you. It just doesn't always happen on schedule.
:] You'll find someone.
I like the coffee mug analogy.
If I had met Joe a year or two earlier than I did--I don't think it would have gone quite the same way. I don't know that we would have really noticed each other. We both had lessons to learn separately, we both had things to do independently before we were ready to be together. Once we had done and experienced whatever it was we needed to---then our paths crossed--and then we noticed each other.
He was the perfect guy for me all along---but timing really is everything. If something feels "off" is probably is.
I really like your mug analogy.
I remember having 'oh my god' moments the summer before we got married. Everyone and their dogs were getting married. That was brutal because as much as I wanted to be one of those people I couldn't I wasn't ready. I still had stuff on my to-do list.
Now as a married couple you still have them now that everyone is having kids. We don't want to settle down either. We're not ready for that. Again still have stuff on my to-do list.
I always had this silly, and now i feel almost foolish thought on marriage and relationships.
People (generalizing, i know there are always exceptions) get married, and have relationships so often, and so quickly because of social pressures and fear, which is a direct link to attachment, but thats another opinion for another time.
I'm now 21, and happily single, i have different life focuses and relationships will always remove some focus from ones own goals (minimally or not is a different story) So, the question i ask people alot is "is now a good time to be in a relationship?" For me, as a struggling buddhist who is returning to buddhism no, it's not, a relationship will only complicate my path currently.
But you, is what you're doing, and planing on doing in your life easier in, or out of a relationship? Of out, then ask your self are you willing to risk, or add to the complications?
i FEEL fat and gross, i just have no respect for myself.
let's not get into a therapy session.
haha
xoxo