"I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." Marilyn Monroe
Watching Charlie Brown fall on his ass every time he tries to kick the football makes people laugh. Kids especially, but parents too. Rightfully so, I guess, because it is comical. I used to laugh too because I hadn't really thought about how easily I could relate to Charlie Brown. Once my good friend pointed it out to me, I realized that really, it's not funny. S now, instead of laughing, I feel bad for Charlie Brown. Maybe other people do too, but mask the fact that they can relate to him with laughter. Because when it comes to the football, Charlie Brown can't help but get fucked over. Lucy plays him every time. Without fail, every time, he falls for her trick.
I am Charlie Brown and I desperately want to finally kick the football. Kicking the football, in this analogy, is love and Lucy is usually Phil... on days I'm lucky, she's just some guy who reminds me of him but doesn't mean nearly as much. And Lucy is a bitch, because every time, I believe her. Every time, I hope that this time will be different. And every time I'm wrong. Like Charlie Brown, I fall on my ass every time and usually, people are laughing. I'm not sure why, but it's comical, to see some one try and try again without success.
I do admire Charlie Brown for hoping that the next time Lucy will be nice and let him kick the football, but I also want to pick him up and shake him, telling him she'll never change and he will always fall. If only he could see that then maybe he would find another passion, or at least another football to kick. Yet, no matter how many times he runs towards to football with the hope of finally making contact, no matter how many times Lucy pretends like she'll let him reach his goal and then snatches it away at the last minute, Charlie Brown never seems to learn his lesson. He always tries again and hopes for change. I admire him for his persistent effort and hope. Lucy sees it too, though and uses it against him for her entertainment. The cycle seems like it will never change. Maybe it's time for Charlie Brown to finally say Fuck you, Lucy.
1. Home Sweet Home: My return to small town living - 3 votes
2. The Fulfillment of Wants and Needs: Friends vs. SO - 1 vote
3. Online Dating: the who.what.why.where.when - 0 votes
4. Charlie Brown and the Football: Fuck you Lucy - 4 votes
5. The Lessons First Year University Taught Me - 2 votes
6. Why you should be nice to your waitress - 2 votes
7. The Song Lyrics that Tug at my Heartstrings - 3 votes
I will post #4 in a little while and will work on #1 and #7 for later this week. The others may resurface in another poll or maybe be written in due time.
So I have quite a few ideas of blogs stirring around in my head right now, but I can't seem to write any of them. I was hoping a little encouragement might help. Here is a list of the blogs I want/need to write but am having trouble doing, pick one and the one that has the most votes by Tuesday noon will be written then!
1. Home Sweet Home: My return to small town living
2. The Fulfillment of Wants and Needs: Friends vs. SO
I think most single women have that moment in their life when they sit back, count their good friends on one hand and realize that they are the last single girl in their group. My mother tells me it's the "oh my god" moment and it will also happen when you realize all your friends are married/divorced/have children/are retired (hopefully not in that order ha) and you're still eons away from the given situation.
To be fair, my mother warned me about this about a month ago, subtly (or not) when she politely told me it was in my best interest to find a boyfriend within 6 months (because my brother's wedding is in a year). I know she did it out of the love in her heart and I agree that if I am to bring a date to my brother's wedding, I would like it to be someone with whom I have a close relationship (or friendship, really). But on the other hand, Mother Love (Mother Nature's sister) and Fate are playing games with my heart and my head again - throwing me 'perfect' men and then taking them away and then sending me back the ones I used to want (I swear guys have a sensor that tells them when a girl they have the tiniest interest in is having trouble romantically so they can swoop in and confuse us more - but that's another story for another post). So yes, whether she knew it or not, a month ago, my mother was trying to protect me from my very own "oh my god" moment. Now if we communicate outside of Xanga, which very few of us do, you would be privileged to know I took her advice and started seeing a great guy. But then... he was just another pawn in the game Mother Love and Fate are playing. So try as both my mother and I may, I had this "oh my god" moment last week when I sat down with one of my friends and counted off the 8 girls I am closest with (4 from back home and 4 at university) and won't you know that every single one of them has been in a relationship for over 6 months. A stable, happy relationship. And 3 of them are moved in together. Um, ah. I'm not even sure I'm ready to settle down - I want to travel, I want to keep my SSB (secret single behaviour), I want to run wild. But really?! CRAP. Now what?
Believe it or not, despite what shines through on here, in RL I am happy with being single. Sure, I still hope to find someone so I try to date. I'm not one of those girls who has an "there's no point in dating because it might not work out" approach to love. I'm more of a hands on, full speed ahead, heart on my sleeve kind of girl. But when those men come crashing through my glass heart, it hardly phases me anymore. It's happened before and with me, chances are it will again. I'm dating-impaired - I once dated a guy that told me "even if you freak out and do something stupid, you couldn't mess us up"... Needless to say, he was wrong *smirk*. And maybe it's because I always seem to know he's just not the right guy, or it's not the the right time, or someting. Like when you make your coffee the same way you've made it for years but it still tastes off. Not every man, or cup of coffee, can be the one you expect or want. And when it comes down to it, that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with me. Or him. It's something no one can change or control. Like when you choose your red mug but suddenly realize you really wanted the purple one, but you've already poured your coffee. Sometimes it's the littlest thing that matters or changes your perspective, mind or heart. For that morning, it's too late for the purple mug, but maybe tomorrow.
Knowing these things at my age is kind of a gift. I've had a lot more experiences that my friends who are in long term relationships. One of my friend jokes about how she lives vicariously through me and we laugh. I've learned a lot about who I am, who I want to end up with and I am having fun along the way (sometimes). Even the hurts, the frustrations, the fears, the bad dates and the bad men teach me more and more about this funny little thing called love. So I have no problem living my life happily and fully, with or without dating and/or men... except on the days of "oh my god" moments, the "really, a girl like you is single", the "come along anyways" (when its only other couples going)... "you won't be the 3rd/5th/7th/9th wheel" and the "oh, I know a great guy, I'll set you up"s.... then I wish Mother Love and Fate could hurry up already and hand me the right one, whether he's just for now, or forever.
This one is for all the guy who didn't choose me. The ones who walked right by and didn't give me a second glance, the ones who stopped but failed to see the value of my worth, who didn't think they'd miss me.
This one is for all the guys who didn't love me. The ones that said they'd be there but weren't, the ones who dropped the ball when they should have been scoring and who didn't fight for us.
This one is for all the guys who missed out. The ones who shrugged me off, didn't call back or ran away instead of seeing it through, the ones who met me "at the wrong time in their lives", who didn't have the strength to break down the walls.
This one's for you and him and them, the ones who choose perfect bodied, big eyed, typically beautiful bimbos instead of the intricate design of my body and mind because of its complexity. For the guys who preferred to play it safe than risk feeling something real, the ones who let fear ruin something great and who dared not love the imperfections.
To those guys, I hope one day you wake up alone and realize that playing it safe, holding back, being scared might keep you from getting hurt but it keeps you from love too. To them, when you wake up that morning and realize what we could have been, I will be laying somewhere with someone who saw my worth, who fought and held on, who worked through his fear and helped me through mine, who loves my imperfections, who appreciates the delicate design of who I am... and we'll be thanking you for not seeing the diamond in the rough.
My name is Anne-Marie, I am addicted to quotes, movies, lyrics. I like to count stars, dream and laugh. The most important things in my life are my family and my friends and food. I believe that as long as we're alive, we might as well live - so I love, laugh, learn and live everday ?
